When Should I Tell Someone That I Have Herpes?

For people with herpes, there is a popular question when they are ready to date with non-herpes partner. When to tell someone else they have herpes. Namely, this refers to when a person is beginning to date and if they need to tell a partner right away or if they can wait to tell someone until after they’ve been dating a while.

This presents a huge ethical dilemma when it comes to living with herpes, dating, and entering into new relationships. There are many different opinions about when to tell a potential partner that you have herpes.

You may feel comfortable about the herpes talk

Timing is just as important as the way you disclose. If you feel contaminated and worthless that’s going to effect the way you tell. If you could understand that compared to how wonderful a person you really are, it’s a very minor thing.

Telling your date right away or opt to wait until it's more serious

When should i tell someone that i have herpes? There’s no one-size-fits-all strategy to this question. One of the hardest parts about telling your partner you have herpes is the timing. Telling a partner too soon may make him run away without giving you a chance, but waiting too long can make him feel like you “tricked him” or betrayed him. You need to weigh your own needs and feelings along with your partner’s needs and feelings.

Some people have the herpes talk on the first date. You can come right out and tell them if that’s your style. For some of people wiht herpes, it will makes them feel better and the potential rejection is easier to handle before they have also begun to invest in the other person emotionally, go right ahead!

I would put the herpes conversation on the table quickly. I don’t like wasting my time or getting my heart broken, so I think it’s a self-defense thing to almost always tell the guy on the first date. If they want to cut and run, I haven’t invested too much of myself in it.

For some people, they give it a few dates before telling. Allow the relationship to develop a little. It’s going to be easier if the two of you enjoy a degree of comfort and trust in each other’s company. It’s probably better to wait until you know and trust each other.

Either option can be perfectly moral. The people who take the approach of letting someone know as soon as they start dating tend to feel less frustrated when a rejection occurs as a result of disclosing their STD status.

Whereas, the people who choose to wait until they’ve developed some trust and can foresee the relationship going to the next level emotionally and (especially) physically tend to have a little bit better results maintaining the relationship. By then, their partner is more likely to be willing to take a calculated risk. However, those same people are liable to be more hurt when the person they are dating chooses not to take a risk and ends the relationship. This is generally because the person with herpes has also begun to invest their emotions into the relationship.

Whatever you decide is the best time to tell someone is YOUR CHOICE (as long as it’s BEFORE you have sex with them!) Each person is different and may have a different take on this. Choosing when you are going to tell someone you have herpes involves imagining what you would do in the other person’s shoes and deciding what is right for you and that specific relationship. There are positive and negative aspects to both methods, of course, and both can be considered ethical approaches.

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How long should you know someone before you tell them?

For some people with herpes, they choose to wait untile it's more serious. But how long should they kow someone befor the talk? This is an individual decision based on getting to know the other person first, and figuring out if they are someone you can trust and are really interested in.

If you go out on one or two dates with someone, and find out that you really don’t have the same interests or values – and you are not interested in sleeping with them, then why should they know your personal health information?

Also, if you decide that you really DO like someone and you develop a strong friendship and bond with them first, they are likely to respond more favorably you when you decide to have the herpes talk.

Do wait until after a serious relationship is established and your partner has invested their emotions into the relationship. This is not fair for them.

When Should I Tell Someone That I Have Herpes? The worst time

Never wait until AFTER you sleep with your partner! Always tell your partner(s) about herpes BEFORE you have any sexual contact.

Try to have the conversation before you’re in bed or naked for foreplay. That would not only spoil the mood, but it could also annoy your partner. Don't wait until you are too horny to have a real discussion about your STD history.

Honesty is always the best policy. But whatever you do, Even if you are only interested in a casual relationship, your partner deserves to know the facts before making the decision to become intimate with you.

If you do not feel comfortable enough to talk to a potential partner about herpes and other STDs, then you are NOT ready to have sexual contact with them. Wait until you feel ready to have “the talk”.

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When to tell your partner? Ideas from real people

How soon should I disclose herpes? It is crucial to disclose your herpes status before engaging in any sexual activity, including kissing, oral sex, or intercourse. This should be done well in advance of any sexual contact, giving your partner the opportunity to make an informed decision about their own sexual health.