Do you legally have to tell someone you have an STD like Herpes?

If you have herpes then it can be difficult to disclose herpes status to someone new that you are dating. If you tell them early in the relationship, they will likely leave you immediately because they will be afraid of contracting herpes from you.

But if you wait until the relationship gets serious before you tell them, it will just complicate things a lot more. Your partner feel like you “tricked him” or betrayed him.

At this point, you could either tell them the truth before the sex or hide the truth and have sex with them anyway. Do you legally have to tell someone you have an STD like herpes?

Do you have a legal obligation to tell your partner if you have herpes?

As a general rule, No, you do not have an obligation to tell your partner if you have herpes. There aren’t any federal or state laws making it illegal for you to not tell a partner about you have herpes.

But it is typically illegal, civilly and criminally, to knowingly or recklessly transmit an STD like herpes. Telling someone you have herpes is not the same obligation as knowingly transmitting herpes.

If you wait to tell your partner that you have herpes until after you've had sex, the revelation may feel like a betrayal.

You will have denied them the opportunity to make an informed decision about risk. The decision you make in this scenario could change the rest of your life, as well as the life of your partner. The inevitable regret of not disclosing is far worse than the possible rejection after disclosing.

STD (Herpes) and Law

Most states have sexually transmitted diseases (“STDs”) laws that:

• criminalize the knowing transmission of an STD to another person
• require certain individuals to undergo testing or treatment for STDs, and and
• impose notification requirements on health care providers that diagnose and/or treat a person who is infected with an STD.

Although jurisdictions define STDs differently, statutes generally include contagious or infectious diseases that are transmitted sexually. Some states list the individual diseases that are covered by the particular law.

In those states, the diseases covered typically include the human immunodeficiency virus (“HIV”), syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, hepatitis, genital herpes, and pelvic inflammatory disease.

Other jurisdictions define STDs more generally to include any communicable disease that can be spread from one person to another and that’s a threat to public health.

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Laws Prohibiting the Transmission of STDs to Another Person

Many states criminalize knowingly exposing another person to an STD. However, some jurisdictions limit the criminalization to the knowing transmission of HIV.

In other states, it’s illegal to knowingly spread any STD but it’s a more serious crime if the STD is HIV. A few jurisdictions also impose enhanced penalties if the offender commits certain crimes, like rape, while infected with an STD.

Intentional or Reckless

You can be convicted of the criminal transmission of an STD only if you cause someone else to be infected intentionally, knowingly, or recklessly.

For example, if you have been diagnosed with an STD and later engage in sexual relations with someone else without telling that person you have the disease, you can be convicted of this crime if that person becomes infected. However, if you are unknowingly infected with an STD, you cannot be found guilty of this crime.

Civil (Non-Criminal) Lawsuits

In many states, if you don’t tell a partner about an STD and your partner contracts the disease, you could face a civil lawsuit. STDs often require medical treatment to cure and some, like HIV/AIDS and herpes, are incurable and can require life-long medical treatment.

Even if a victim’s damages aren’t high in physical terms, their emotional trauma and humiliation are enough to entitle them to compensation in some states.

Your partner could sue you for negligence or personal injury, and if you lose, you may have to pay money damages for your partner's costs (therapy, medical treatment, loss of time at work, etc.) and injuries.

In New York, the law states that a person has a duty to warn his or her partner about an STD. Why? Because the law assumes that individuals would not have sex if they knew about the disease beforehand (however, whether that is truly an accurate assumption depends on the person). Therefore, a person not warning his or her sexual partner and transmitting an STD is considered guilty of battery.

Herpes Lawsuits

Lawsuits for the transmission of an STD like herpes can be based on theories of negligence and/or intentional acts and can include counts for fraud and emotional distress. In certain situations, criminal charges can also be brought.

Usher's $20 Million Dollar Herpes Lawsuit

Helm sued the singer Usher back in 2017. She claiming he had exposed her to the herpes virus when they had unprotected sex. She initially sued for $10 million, then upped it to $20 mil for emotional harm and punitive damages.

Oregon woman awarded $900,000 in spread of herpes

An Oregon jury has awarded $900,000 to a woman who said a retired dentist infected her with genital herpes. The 49-year-old woman, who filed the suit under a pseudonym, testified that she suffered painful outbreaks and spiraled into depression after a sexual encounter with the 69-year-old man she met through the dating website eHarmony.

The retired dentist, whose name was also omitted from the lawsuit, has had herpes since 1991. He testified he did not know he was contagious because he was not experiencing an active outbreak at the time the pair had sex, which was during their fourth date.

Be Upfront About Your Diagnosis Well Before You Have Sex

Dating with herpes can embarrassing. But embarrassment shouldn't stop you from telling a sexual partner about your herpes status. It is pretty wrong to transmit the virus knowingly to someone without informing them of your status and their risk.

Regardless of how much caution you take, it is still a risk, however low. Your pleasure is not worth someone else's suffering unless they understand that while its a very very low possibility if you care for yourself and them, it's still a possibility.

If you are not ready to have an open and honest discussion about your herpes status with someone, or if you don’t think that you can trust them with your private, personal information, then you are NOT ready to have any kind of sex with them.

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