Successful Herpes Disclosure Stories
For some people who are newly diagnosed with herpes, they may worry about love life for their future life with herpes and would like to hear some successful love stories. We created this Success herpes Discloure Stories section and help the people who are in the struggle for the" "herpes talks". The following sucessful disclosure stories are contributed by people with herpes and for them.
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#1: Always disclose, Hang in there. You'll be fine
It's been almost 2 years since I contracted hsv-2 from an unprotected encounter with a good friend (yay surprise!). He was the 4th person I'd ever slept with, and I had only just gotten out of my 4 year long relationship 2 months earlier. It wasn't fair, and it was awful.
From a dating perspective. I dated someone for a year and a half while having the herps. I had started talking to him just before I contracted, and went on our first date the day I started to feel something was wrong. He was a sweet, kind man who didn't think twice about the herpes, and was supportive and understanding as I struggled with my diagnosis and health that next year.
I was very lucky to have him by my side - not lucky in the sense that he "accepted" my status, but because he was exactly what I needed to get through health challenges that might have had to do with herpes and others that had no connection. We broke up at the beginning of this year, for reasons not related to herpes at all.
I've disclosed to several men so far, and only one took a few minutes to decide. None declined the offer for sex, and most had no questions. The one question I've gotten so far is whether oral (from him) is on the table - and I assured him it was. One mentioned that he was surprised that I told him, another said that it made him feel like he could trust me and knew that it took balls to disclose. All were fine with condoms and even the next morning (when the booze wore off) they were wanting to go again. Is that Tmi? I'm sorry just trying to give you a sense of success here!
Now, I know that it's just not a big fucking deal. I know that it's hard to see when you're just coming to terms with it, but it's true. I've had a successful relationship, and casual sex, and life is pretty fucking normal.
My rule is that I always disclose, preferably in the bar itself while the arrangements are being discussed. I disclosed once in a cab and I felt really claustrophobic, don't do that haha. I've had small bouts of paranoia after the fact, especially one time when I had an outbreak the day after. But if I disclose, and I didn't have any symptoms before, then there's no need for guilt or paranoia.
Always disclose, a night of fun isn't worth the guilt or awkward conversation later. And if I'm any indication, then the disclosure has a good chance at success.
Hang in there. You'll be fine. It sucks, it will suck more times than others, but life goes on. Theres too much life to live, don't spend it scared of what might happen.
From rejected to accepted in 3 days.
A few weeks ago I was rejected by somebody who had initially told me they were OK with my HSV status. I was devastated. I had ignored some warning signs and been going along with the possibility of being intimate because there was some chemistry and to be totally blunt, I wanted to get laid.
Fast forward a few days and I am texting one weekend morning with a man who has been in my life a few years now. We have intense chemistry but have never explored any kind of physical relationship in part because we work for the same organization (but never see one another).
We had spoken a few times over the previous weeks and had discussed our longing to be physical with one another but I was completely terrified to disclose to him. He is 16 years older than me and I was worried he would not be comfortable with my HSV status.
This one morning in particular I decided fuck it, I’m just going to tell him what the situation is because I had alluded to there being something we would need to talk about if anything ever did happen between us. So I disclosed. He was surprised and said he didn’t know what to ask. I thought “ok for sure this guy who i have always wanted to sleep with and have the most amazing chemistry with is about to reject me”. But at the same time i was driving myself crazy flirting with this man who potentially could have zero interest in me post disclosure. In other words I wanted to get it over with and move forward whatever his reaction was.
I asked him if based on his initial feelings if he thought he would be comfortable with it. He said he didn’t know because he didn’t know what the risks were. I told him the statistics and you know what his next two statements were? “Wow you have done your research!”,“I would still like to be next to you”.
I was honestly astonished at his reaction. Here is a man who has never had a woman disclose an STI status before in his 44 years of life, and his initial response is I still want you to be next to me. Fast forward a half hour and I am laying on his couch with him snuggling and watching Narcos lol. We did end up becoming intimate and it was amazing.
It made me so very thankful that the universe had not allowed me to engage with the guy who had chosen to reject me. Everything fell into place exactly as it needed to with a man I not only have intense chemistry with, but also is someone I can trust and who I know respects and cares for me.
We have been intimate a few times now. After the initial time we discussed a few hours later by text being very open and honest with one another and he said he absolutely wants to continue to see me. Since our initial discussion he has not brought up my HSV again.
I am hoping my story gives people encouragement to continue making progress down the herpes road. There will of course be bumps along the way but my recommendation is to find your moral compass and stick to it. Since I made the decision to disclose and actually started disclosing, I have not felt one shred of guilt or anguish over that decision.
Sure it’s not easy to face possible rejection, but for me holding tight to my morals is what it most important. So while it lead me to rejection, it also lead me to this really amazing new partner who has not been phased even slightly by HSV.
Three Successes, One Failure, Telling Men
I decided to test my disclosure on a few men that I wasn't so interested in:
>Man 1: We decided not to date, I called to tell him I had blood test with H, but no symptoms or history. What does he think? He says first that men will think I'm damaged and while no one (even him) would care if their girlfriend or person they love has H, it's getting into the relationship that is risky. I told him it's a cold sore, which he realized he has and the 4 % stat. He says that's less than the risk of getting someone pregnant. He realizes he knows a few people with H. Then he says its not that bad, and offers to have something casual with me, which I decline.
Man 2: We go on one date, he asks me out again. I ask via text if I can call him and see if it make sense to go out again. I call and say I have this recent blood test for H2 which I' m sorting out. He says thanks for telling me, not a problem he has oral H, too and sets up another date with me.Very nice guy, we go on a few dates but not a match for other reasons.
Man 3: We go on a long second date and he moves to fast for me physically, regardless of H. There is weirdness at end of the night where I nicely kick him out. He knew he made a mistake and my intuition is he's a good person. I feel bad about the way it ended so I write a nice note and put it aside ( I sometimes write out my feelings). He texts me a week later and I send him the note and at the end I also write I just had a positive blood test for H and pending working it out with my doc as I have no symptoms etc. He thought it was a nice note and we dated for five months. He was wonderful and it ended for other reasons.
I don't recommend telling someone by text or email, but with Man # 3 there was a whole host of issues and I thought a nice, calm note would sort through them and they did. That's the only reason why H was at the end. He told me when he was younger he was freaked out a girl who told him she had H and didn't date her.
All three about have been divorced and dating and they know how hard it is to find someone. They have all run into STD or other issues before.
Man 4, was the one I really wanted to date, but married for many years, very little dating experience and could not handle H. He did try and research it and call doctors but he got overwhelmed. I lost him to H because he was moving forward with all sincere intent. I do think we sometimes lose great people to H, I want to think this happened for some reason, but in this case, I think it's just bad luck for me.
Disclosure Story
So last week I found out i had gotten hsv1. The guy i was currently seeing totally up and left me. He said “I love you but I can’t risk getting it. I can’t make this work even though i have a lot of love for you.” At this point, I’m balling everywhere and feel like absolute garbage. I tell him that it isnt as bad as he thinks and there are ways to prevent him from getting infected. Mind you I’m 90% sure I caught it from him even though he said he is clean.
So heartbroken me goes back on Tinder. I start talking to this guy and he seems pretty cool. And i start thinking oh my god here we go I’m going to have to tell him. And i did. And he was TOTALLY ACCEPTING OF IT!!! Like it made my day and for a second, I didn’t feel like a piece of garbage.
My first in person disclosure
My point in sharing this story was showing how many of my preconcieved notions about herpes (e.g. "No one will accept me", "I am disgusting" etc.) did not hold true in this specific instance.
I just had my first in person disclosure to someone I was dating so I totally know what you’re going through. Although we had been dating a couple months I wasn’t super invested in him and was still deciding if I really liked him and saw a potential future with him romantically. So to be honest although it was scary, it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been.
I knew I wanted to disclose in person. All my other disclosures have been via text and to casual partners. Because I had been dating this person, in person felt right to me. First off, I practiced. I went through how I would bring it up and start the conversation. Tried different versions and was thoughtful about how it would make me feel if I was the one being disclosed to. I made a serious attempt to not apologize or dramatize. I stated the facts. It went something like this.
Side note: I had told him previously there was something I wanted to discuss with him but preferred to do it in person. We had multiple conversations about how we were feeling about one another throughout the time we were dating, so it was related to one of those convos.
Him: “so what is this thing you wanted to talk about?”
Me: “I’m not really sure if this conversation is necessary because I think we are both still figuring out how we feel about one another, but I’ve enjoyed spending time with you and regardless of what happens, it’s important for me to be honest. Awhile back i was seeing someone and after things ended, I found out he had exposed me to herpes. For me it hasn’t been an issue physically, as I don’t have symptoms. But I have made the choice to always disclose to my partners so in that way, I do have to deal with it. I know you appreciate honesty and I felt this information needed to be on the table for both of us to figure out what we want to do moving forward”.
He then asked me some questions and I asked him some. Turns out he had been disclosed to before, which was refreshing. But I do think he was not fully expecting that type of conversation, even though he knew I wanted to discuss something with him. We continued to talk and hung out again, but aren’t seeing each other any longer. Before I disclosed to him I asked him how he was feeling about us seeing one another and he said he didn’t know if he would be staying in our city because he may be moving for school. And that he likes me but just can’t say he’s in a place to make a commitment, although he would be open to that changing. I ended up ending things between us because I’m in a place where I want to make someone a priority, and I want someone to make me a priority. He wasn’t in that same place.
Although I’m sure he wasnt stoked about the herpes situation, he didn’t ghost me and continued to want to see me. We were never physical but he did tell me when we were ending things he had those sexual and romantic feelings for me. I knew he had been holding back as he didn’t want to emotionally confuse me, as that happens when sex is involved.
Overall, my biggest suggestion is to 1) practice practice practice 2) find a quiet private moment to disclose and 3) thoughtfully consider when is the right time. Disclosing too soon doesn’t give them enough time to value your personality and see qualities they like in you. The fact is as long as you do it before oral or intercourse, you in my opinion haven’t put them at any risk.
My typical disclosure
I’ve had herpes for over ~3 years now. In that time, I’ve had over 20 disclosures that turned into sex after, and maybe 5 where nothing ended up happening.My first two disclosures were with nurses. They both DGAF that I had herpes. They dealt with worse on a daily basis.
I usually disclose once there’s been heavy making out, lots of groping, and sex is the next progression. I sit down on my couch, and say something along the lines of:
"Hey I have something I need to share with you. I carry a minor virus commonly known as herpes, its an STI that's basically the equivalent of razor burn, its the same virus that causes cold sores. I've had it for XXX time now, and am pretty knowledgeable about it. I take daily antiviral medication for it, that reduces the chances of transmission drastically. I also encourage use of condoms to reduce the risk of passing it. Do you have any questions or concerns?"
Ok, so the above stuff is helpful to know, but I don’t think that the key to having a happy sex/dating life is in the above. I think that herpes is really just a minor hurdle, and if your dating life sucks now, it probably sucked before you had herpes. While there will definitely be people that won’t date you because you have herpes, there are still plenty out there that will. So, get your shit together and work on being the best version of yourself. Be a confident, attractive, engaging person and when you disclose people will see it as the minor issue that it is.
Having OHSV1 isn’t a big deal
I’ve only had to disclose twice before I ended up getting married. I got tested, it showed positive for HSV1 (I had contracted it about a year before testing and had symptoms but never tested) and told her. It was hard just because there was “shame” associated with it and it was my first time having to disclose. But the she was okay with it. We dated for a year and she was a doctor. The second time (my now husband) I told after we had our first kiss. I told him over text right after and he didn’t care.F rom what everyone says having OHSV1 isn’t a big deal.
Positive Disclosure Story
I am a 26 yo F newly diagnosed with genital HSV1. I wanted to share a positive disclosure experience I had since I've been so inspired and comforted by other posts like that here.
I had just started seeing this new guy I really liked and after two dates with him I got diagnosed. I was shocked and absolutely gutted. We had not slept together yet and I was really quite anxious about telling him. I even considered ending things without even telling him because I did not know how to approach or deal with it. I don't have much luck with dating to begin with and was so bummed that I just found this great guy and now I had this whole new wrench thrown into the works.
When we had our next date, I was so nervous and anxious through dinner. I didn't know when or how to bring it up, or even if I should attempt to discuss it all. We ended up going back to his apartment and we started kissing. Before things progressed, I stopped because I knew I had to bring it up at this point. I don't even remember exactly what I said, I was so nervous and I just ended up blurting it out. I gave him a brief overview, and explained that I have hsv1, the "Cold sore virus" except I contracted it genitally. I explained how common it was as well as some ways to lessen risk of transmission (most of which I learned from this group). I said I would understand if he needs time to think about it or do more research.
When I told him, I could see from his face that he was taken off guard and was not expecting this. However, I was surprised and so relieved that he did not pull away from me in disgust like I feared, but instead kept his arms around me while we were talking. He said he has never gotten cold sores, but was receptive to listening to what I had to say and asked a few questions. He thanked me for telling him and appreciated that I was being open and honest. He said he does not look at me any differently. This heartened me so much, to experience this acceptance that I thought would never happen again. He said that my diagnosis does not bother him and he still wants to sleep with me. I thought no one would ever want to sleep with or even touch me again. It was so nice to be proven wrong.
Another positive was that this discussion opened up to talking about testing, birth control, and other safe sex practices. Overall, it made me feel closer and more comfortable with him.
I am really happy that my first experience disclosing went well. I know that not every disclosure experience I may have in the future will be like this, but I wanted to share with others who might be fearful and anxious of disclosing like me. There is hope for us! We are more than this stupid virus. Everything is going to be ok :)
Wanted to share my experience of telling someone I had GHSV-1 last night
Two months ago I broke up with my girlfriend of two years. When I first told her about that I had Herpes 1 and it typically affected my genitals, she was a little surprised. We sat and talked about everything and in the end, since we had been going out for so long, she made the decision that she didn't care and wouldn't let it affect out relationship.
This was the important part: I sat down with her and answered every question she had, and was very understanding about her thoughts and concerns. I did not push a decision on her. I gave her the information, then gave her the space to make the judgement call herself. Ultimately it is your partner's decision. This sucks, but you need to accept that is how it is.
TAnyways, back to the meat and potatoes of the story:
I have been using dating sites like tinder, bumble, hot or not, okcupid, etc... to meet people because I rarely go out in public. Between school, work, the gym, and family, I rarely have time to go out into the world and meet new people.
About 2 weeks ago this girl and I matched. We exchanged phone numbers and have been friendly texting ever since. The other night she sprung it on me that she wanted to come over and have sex. She said that sex was very important to her in a relationship because in her previous ones she was never sexually satisfied and she wouldn't let that happen again.
Now listen, everyone in here has obviously thought about not telling someone they have herpes. LET ME BE CLEAR: YOU HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE EVERY TIME BEFORE YOU PLAN ON HAVING SEX WITH THEM. UNPROTECTED OR NOT.
Well I was not ready to tell her yet. Keep in mind I had not met this girl. We had simply exchanged numbers, followed each other on instagram, and just chatted here and there. So the night she asked if she could come over, I made up some excuse as to why it was too late. She then asked if she could reschedule to Monday night because she had the day off work. (That's tonight)
Last night, I decided that if she was really going to come over tonight, I needed to tell her.
This is exactly how the conversion went:
Me: ______, I have to tell you something
Her: Oh gosh, when you say it like that it makes me nervous
Me: I don't know where this is going between us. You're cool and I dig that, and we could hit it off or it could fizzle out and not work, I'm not really sure.... However, before we take the step of having sex, I want to be up front with you. I have been diagnosed with HSV-1, which in simple terms is Herpes 1, also known as the "Cold Sore" virus. I take medication twice daily to help prevent outbreaks and suppress the virus. While it is the cold sore virus, it has the ability to affect the genitals. I have had it for many years now, so I am very adept at knowing when it's safe and when it is not safe to have sex. I have never transmitted it to anyone, even when having unprotected sex.
Now, I know this is probably super scary information if you know nothing about it, but I am here to answer any questions if you have them. I will also understand completely if you decide you would rather end whatever is between us to be on the safe side.
Her: Oh that's it??? Jeeeez I thought you were going to say you had a kid or something. Not to like undermine your diagnosis!!! It's super unfortunate but I don't think that is grounds for termination...
She then asked me a few more questions about it, and I was happy to answer it.
I would just like to point out. I have never met this person. We have just chatted over text for a week or two. I was honest and up front with her. She admitted to me that the fact I was willing to be up front with her about this made her trust me more.
To all of you terrified to tell anyone, I understand. I was once there. Trust me.
I guess what I want you all to take away from this is: If he/she freaks out and makes a huge deal about it, then maybe you are dodging a bullet with them. Real people who will truly love and support you won't even think twice about it if they truly care about who you are as a person. Just be honest, open, and upfront.
Worry about possible transmission? Find a partner with herpes!
PositiveSingles is 2023 No.1 Herpes dating site and have been on the web for over 20 years. It has 1.7 million online people with herpes.
You can find thousands of nearby singles wiht herpes like you no matter you are looking for a casual relationship or long-term parters. Spend 3 minutes to place a profile and chat now.
Telling your date right away or opt to wait untile it's more serious? There are many different opinions about when to tell a potential partner that you have herpes.
Tips on handling the conversation. Being comfortable with yourself first and then presenting your information in a calm, reassuring way. what contents, sample script, how will a partner react?
The "herpes talk" requires a little more planning. The more you are prepared, the easier telling him that you have herpes is going to be.
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