Should I tell my partner I have herpes?

It's natural to be concerned about telling a new partner that you have genital herpes. Fear of being rejected and perhaps being uncomfortable about sexual health concerns makes it a tricky subject to bring up. It's natural to feel worried, even scared. You may worry about rejection and rumors. Here is one post from people with herpes.

I know this may sound selfish but I wonder why should we disclose to our partner if herpes is just a "skin condition" like anything else? This is because i read throughout how people are rejected and ghosted after they disclose. So if it's just another skin condition you have and if it is so common, why is it a must for us to disclose to anyone and risk being rejected? I'm just trying to understand...

However, it is not ok, moral, or ethical to put a person at risk of contracting an STD without allowing them an opportunity to make a conscientious and informed decision. Falling to do so “because you might get rejected” is selfish. Roll with the punches. There are billions of people out there. It’s just a matter of time and dedication before you find the person who wants to spend the rest of their lives with you regardless of having HSV.

The other way to look at this is if the situation were reversed. Because think about how it felt when you found out you had it. Now think about you causing someone else that pain if you passed it to them without them knowing any of the risks involved. If they had sex with you, then they found out they had an infection long after you were together, but there was a chance they had it while you were intimate with one another, would you want them to contact you so you could get tested, get treated (where applicable), and then make sexual health choices accordingly? Most people would answer a solemn ‘yes’ to that. It's an opportunity to share the knowledge, not the stigma.

Yes, herpes is just a skin condition. And yes, you still need to disclose. Think about it like this: by you getting to know someone and disclosing to them, not only are you combating the stigma around herpes, but you’re also starting your relationships from an open and honest place every time. Could you really live with yourself if you kept that secret from someone? A regular and amazing sex life and relationship is still possible after disclosure.

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Why people need to tell their partners?

If your test comes back positive, one of the first steps is to tell any sexual partners — past, present, and future. Why? Their health is at risk, so they need to know what's going on. But to protect your partner (and avoid any future embarrassment), it's a conversation you need to have. Need more reasons?

• Not telling a partner about an STD after a confirmed diagnosis may be a criminal offense in some states.
• If your partner finds out, you could end up losing him or her, not because of the herpes but because of the dishonesty.
• Telling a future partner lets that person to make an informed decision about his or her own health — such as taking precautions to prevent the spread of disease.
• Telling a past or current partner gives that person the opportunity to get checked out and, if necessary, treated.

Lil Dicky is my new favorite person. In the following viewo, he address the important issue of using condoms but he also specifically addresses genital herpes and the importance of disclosure. I absolutely love his view on it and everything he has to say.

The inevitable regret of not disclosing is far worse than the possible rejection after disclosing.

Some newly diagnosed people may party excessively, and not disclosed a couple of times. Rejection definitely hurts and can be debilitating, but the regret is something that festers and was always in the back of you mind. It will taunte you. The subsequent anxieties literally ate them alive. Rejection is downright much easier to handle than those regrets were.

And when you starte to accept that you have with herpes and move forward with your life, You will came to realize that you are accepted far more often than rejected.

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Herpes is NOT just a skin condition

The whole “it’s just a skin condition” thought process isn’t okay in my mind. It’s a chronic viral infection - call it what it is. People like to think of it as a skin condition to calm their minds - but skin conditions aren’t contagious. One of the reasons the CDC doesn’t recommend regular testing for HSV is because of the psychological harm it can do when someone finds out they have it due to the stigma around herpes.

Do you need to tell your partner if you don’t have visible outbreaks?

Accordingly, some people choose not to tell. Instead they abstain during herpes outbreaks, practice safe sex at other times, and hope for the best.

The problem with herpes is that there is no guarantee that you will not transmit it even if you take all the precautions possible. There are several days throughout the year when herpes can be spread even when no symptoms are present. The risk will be small but still a risk, which is why it is humane to tell someone before putting them in a situation where they could contract a life long condition.

This strategy may have more disadvantages than advantages. First of all, you spend a lot of time and energy worrying that your partner is going to get herpes. It’s much harder to tell someone if they just found out they’re infected with herpes. For most people, the anxiety over not telling your partner you have herpes is worse than the telling itself.

On the other hand, by telling your partner you have herpes and allowing them to enter into the relationship with full knowledge of your infection, you reduce the likelihood of them becoming infected with herpes. This is because, when you have an outbreak, you can discuss it with your partner instead of making excuses for why you can’t have sex.

Excuses create distance between partners and often lead to misunderstanding and guesswork. Your partner might interpret your excuses in ways more detrimental to the relationship than an honest discussion of herpes would be.

However, Your partner will respect your openness and honesty and it will be an opportunity to take your relationship to a deeper level of trust and understanding. It will strengthens your relationship and brings you closer together. Support and understanding can help to overcome much of the anxiety that you may be feeling about herpes.

Should you tell your past sexual partners that you have genital herpes?

The most ethical approach is to tell anyone whom was exposed to the virus and get tested. This is the hardest thing to do, and that’s why a lot of people won’t tell past partners to save themselves the embarrassment. Remember, even if they test positive, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they got herpes from you.

They may have already had herpes and didn’t know it. And it’s possible that they got herpes from one of those previous partners. It doesn’t matter anymore who gave herpes to whom. What does matter is that anyone who is sexually active should get tested for herpes, and learn how to reduce their risk of getting or spreading herpes.

Do you legally have to tell someone you have herpes?

As a general rule, it is typically illegal, civilly and criminally, to knowingly or recklessly transmit herpes. Telling someone you have an herpes is not the same obligation as knowingly transmitting herpes. Although there aren’t any federal or state laws making it illegal for you to not tell a partner about herpes.

Many, but not all, states have laws that criminalize the transmission of at least some types of STDs between people. These laws, and the penalties imposed by them, differ significantly among states.

If you are convicted of knowingly transmitting an STD, you face a number of potentially very serious criminal penalties. State laws categorize this crime as either a felony or misdemeanor offense, and the potential penalties differ significantly depending on the state where it occurs. Read more about herpes and law.

Worry about possible transmission? Find a partner with herpes!

PositiveSingles is 2023 No.1 Herpes dating site and have been on the web for over 20 years. It has 1.7 million online people with herpes.

You can find thousands of nearby singles wiht herpes like you no matter you are looking for a casual relationship or long-term parters. Spend 3 minutes to place a profile and chat now.

Usher reportedly paid a woman $1.1 million for knowingly transmit herpes

Last year, singer/songwriter Usher was formally accused of exposing three of his former sexual partners to a sexually-transmitted disease. His former partners file a lawsuit in California claiming that the singer failed to disclose that he had herpes before engaging in sexual activities with them.

The alleged sexual encounters all took place prior to 2012. In California, exposing another person to a sexually transmitted disease can be a criminal offense. Usher reportedly paid a woman $1.1 million to settle a lawsuit after she claimed to have contracted herpes from the singer.

Story: a disclosee’s prespective

Because I know I have a somewhat unique prespective, I wanted to share what it felt like to get to disclosed to. Again, my thoughts are my own and they may not be universal, but I’m sure there’s lots of people who feel the same as I did. And I hope by sharing, it will help alleviate the stress of disclosing. Because it’s not always bad.

My partner disclosed to me before we had sex. We had gone on three dates before he disclosed in person. I’m so glad he chose to disclose face to face. It made it a matter that neither of us could hide from - we had to talk about it.

We had started to heavily makeout, and he pulled away from me. He said ‘I have to tell you something’. And I instantly knew it was herpes, I can’t tell you how I knew, I just knew. I could tell he was nervous, and as I much as I wanted to say ‘you have an sti?’, I knew he needed to say it for himself. It took a few breaths before he said it (I was his first disclosure ever).

At this point, I just said okay as I processed the information. I was completely unaware as to what herpes actually was, I only knew about the stigmas. So we talked about it. He told me facts and I was more or less silent, trying to absorb it all.

It was one of the bravest things I’ve ever seen someone do. He was so open, and honest. He respected me enough to disclose, when he could have hidden it like other people do. It was… incredibly sexy. Yes I just said that, I found someone disclosing to me that they have herpes SEXY. It is so fucking attractive, because that person showed so much respect for your body and your choices, and they were brave enough to say something that could have ended our relationship. That disclosure made me like him even more. Like, a lot more. It said so much about his character.

He asked if I wanted him to leave. I said ‘hell no, I’m not ready to have sex with you yet, but I want to kiss you all night’. And that’s what we did, we kissed and talked all night. We formed a bond that I don’t think we would have formed if he didn’t have herpes. So everything happens for a reason, right?

And that’s it folks. To summarize: to disclose is such a brave thing, and to give someone the choice to take a sexual risk is such a respectful thing. The right person will see that and be even more attracted to you.