Have normal and healthy relationships with herpes

When poeple are newly diagnosed with herpes, lots of people may think they are going to be alone, no one’s going to date them ever again.

You may have the questions. Is it still possible to find love? Can I have a normal relationship with herpes? I will never have sex again out of fear. You are not alone. Check similar post from others like you.

Many new herpes suffers feel that way at first. They may think herpes is a a deal-breaker for their dating life. They may wonder if they can find love with herpes.

Dating is enough of a challenge on its own, but having herpes and dating can be especially tough. After herpes diagnosis, people may be worried about being judged. They may be scared they could spread herpes to their future partners. They may also be terrified about how they are going to face the world.

Fortunately, it turns out that most of the time dating with herpes isn't nearly as scary as worrying about it. It gets easier we promise. You can have great sex. You will find love just it will be with someone who truely loves you.

Here is the guide about how to get back into the dating scene after a herpe dignosis.

Putting Herpes in Perspective: Herpes is Extremely Common

Herpes is a incurable, lifelong virus. It's also far more common than we're willing to admit. One out of every six people aged 14 to 49 currently have genital herpes, one out of every four adults have it, and there are approximately one million new cases each year.

When you realize how common herpes is, how often people don't have symptoms, and that they could be infected without knowing it. It makes you much less likely to throw shade. The reality is that herpes probably isn’t as big of a problem for your relationship as you think it is.

It takes some time to get back to dating world

After a herpes diagnosis, it’s only natural to want to take a break from the romance scene and just chill on your own for a while. The stigma around herpes is so difficult that people with herpes will often give up on dating altogether.

Moving on takes different amounts of time for different people. While some individuals are ready to date almost instantly after a diagnosis, others need years to get back into dating. Remember there is no rule: take as long or as little as you need.

After people come to terms with herpes, because of the stigma around herpes, some people choose dating other peoples with herpes at online herpes dating sites, others choose to dating in the rgular dating pool.

Herpes dating sites give people with herpes and other infections a way to skip awkward disclosures altogether.

Herpes dating services have been around since the Internet was invented. Some big player like PositiveSingles has history about 18 years. Telling a new partner about herpes means risking a rejection that plenty of herpes+ people would rather avoid. These herpes dating sites give people with herpes and other infections a way to skip awkward disclosures altogether.

It provides a transparent medium to interact and get to know others without so much worry about ignorant judgment or responses. When you discover the world of online dating for people with herpes, you’ll find that the comfort and security of being behind a screen allows you to easily open up about your specific condition.

You will be upfront and blunt more effortlessly than you are likely to be face-to-face. The virus becomes less important and who you are as an individual —your personality, quirks, likes and dislikes — are elevated.

What It's Really Like to date on a herpes dating site: Interview

James and Shannon joined positiveSingles and find love with herpes. We interviewed the married couple about experience about online herpes dating sites.

James got herpes from an ex-girlfriend around 27 or 28. Shannon got herpes at 18 when she found out that she had herpes. She has only one sexual partner for almost lots of years, She stayed with him for a long time because she thought nobody else is going to want her.

How did you find each other on PositiveSingles?

James: I had been on PositiveSingles for about six or seven months. I had a few dates but nothing serious ever happened. I was thinking that the selection on there was very limited. A lot of people don't put their pictures on there, for various reasons obviously, but I got an email from Shannon and she was reaching out. She didn't have a picture, but she explained her situation and we started talking.

Shannon: I was doing all of this research on how easily herpes is transmitted, as much information as I could find out. During my search, PositiveSingles popped up. I decided I would give the site a try. I was on the site for probably less than a month. And that's when I met James.

We added each other on Facebook and talked a little bit back and forth for a few months, before we finally did meet in person. It was amazing. We were supposed to meet in a public place on a Saturday, and that completely did not happen, I was working two jobs at the time, and I got home at 11 and we just decided that he was going to go ahead and come over that night.

James: And really it was, for lack of a better word, love at first sight. It went really quick from then on. We spent that entire weekend together.

Shannon: Because we already knew the most intimate secret about each other, it was really easy to open up and I felt that I had nothing to hide with him. When we finally met, he ended up proposing to me seven weeks later. We got married 13 weeks after we met. We're approaching our two-year anniversary. I knew the weekend that I met him, I said, "That's the man I'm gonna marry."

Did herpes change dating for you?

James: I ended up giving it to somebody else and it made me reevaluate how I was going to handle my dating life. Before I got herpes, I wasn't really looking to settle down. I was enjoying the single life, and I wasn't too serious about relationships. After I contracted it, it made me second guess what I wanted out of life. I decided that I wanted a more meaningful relationship.

Shannon I can remember going on a date with a guy and I couldn't even enjoy my time with him because all I could think about was having this in the back of my mind. And I couldn't get anywhere else in the relationship because I couldn't get that out of my head, and I wasn't ready to have that talk yet. It really could ruin potential relationships if you can't be open.

Because we already knew the most intimate secret about each other, it was really easy to open up.

James: And really it was, for lack of a better word, love at first sight. It went really quick from then on. We spent that entire weekend together.

Shannon: Because we already knew the most intimate secret about each other, it was really easy to open up and I felt that I had nothing to hide with him. When we finally met, he ended up proposing to me seven weeks later. We got married 13 weeks after we met. We're approaching our two-year anniversary. I knew the weekend that I met him, I said, "That's the man I'm gonna marry."

How have you dealt with the stigma surrounding herpes?

James: I'm a lot more open and I've noticed since I've been much more open, other people will say that they've got it too. I remember when I first told my parents, my mom told me she's had it for 30 years. There are so many people that have it, and there are so many people that have it and don't even know they have it.

Shannon: I was very secretive about it, and the only people who knew were my immediate family. I didn't tell my parents for a very long time. When I met James's parents for the first time, apparently right after I met them, they were asking each other "Well, I wonder if he's told her yet?" They didn't know how we had met.

What advice do you have for people with herpes looking for someone right now?

James: You're not the only one. I can't stress that enough. PositiveSingles worked for me. There are support groups too. There are plenty of people out there that are going through similar situations.

Shannon: Herpes dating site is a really great icebreaker. If it wasn't for that site, I don't know where I'd be right now. Definitely don't feel like it's the end of your world. Even if you're not on the site for dating purposes, you can still communicate with other people.

I had a man from Georgia just reach out to console me, so it's a great community where you can just reach out to people that are in the same situation.

Some people make such a big deal out of it, and it's completely unnecessary. People aren't educated enough, they don't realize how common this is. One in four. That's a lot of people.

Dating someone without hepres

People don't date solely because they want to have sex. They date because they like each other and find each other interesting and attractive. Some people keep herpes in perspective.

If you were asked to describe yourself and highlight the most important aspects of you and your life, herpes wouldn’t make the list. It’s something you deal with, but it doesn’t define who you are as a person. You can also find some without herpes and accept you.

For some people, a herpes diagnosis often doesn't seem like that big a deal. If they like you enough, herpes can be just something they have to work with. Just like you have to work with a partner's snoring or their affection for mornings.

Be Upfront With Your Partner

One of the most important aspects of dating with herpes is transparency. If you’re interested in a certain person and want to start a relationship with them, you need to let them know about your herpes status before initiating sexual contact. There is a potential risk of transmission. Not disclosing HSV-2 or HSV-1 isn't an option. Continue to read do you have to tell your partner you have herpes?

Many people think that herpes can only be transmitted when there are active blisters or sores, but that isn't true. The virus still lives in the skin, it's still contagious even when it looks normal. Therefore, it is only reasonable for the man or woman you're dating to decide the risk.

It is typically illegal, civilly and criminally, to knowingly or recklessly transmit an STD like herpes. In many USA states, if you don’t tell a partner about an STD and your partner contracts the disease, you could face a civil lawsuit. Your partner could sue you for negligence or personal injury, and if you lose, you may have to pay money damages for your partner's costs (therapy, medical treatment, loss of time at work, etc.) and injuries.

By disclosing your infection to your partner, you’re not only establishing a tone of trust—good for any healthy relationship—but you’re also taking an important step to reduce transmission.

Some People May Reject You.The Right Person Won't

When you choose to date in the normal pool, you may face many fears about dating:

• If I tell someone, will they still want to date me?
• Will they think I'm a bad person?
• Will they tell other people?
• Will I ever be able to have sex again?

The most important thing to remember, when it comes to herpes and dating, is this: Your life isn't over just because you have herpes! Many people find love after herpes. You are not alone.

People often worry that friends and future partners will judge them if they find out they have herpes. The truth is, some people will reject you when they find out you have herpes. Some people can be quite cruel to someone after herpes diagnosis. However, they're just as, if not more, likely to be kind.

While a negative reaction is possible, this doesn’t necessarily mean a bad ending. If that person values you as an individual and is interested in a relationship, something as minor as herpes shouldn’t stand in the way. If it does, then that person obviously wasn’t a good fit in the first place.

You can still date. You can still fall in love, and someone can still fall in love with you! Yes, you have an additional hurdle when it comes to finding new relationships. But many, many people have gotten over that hurdle and are happy with their lives - including their sex lives.

Many people with herpes say that it helps them "weed out" people who aren't truly serious about relationships. If your partner leaves you because you have herpes, that probably wasn't someone you'd want in the long term, anyway. While it can be hard to watch a relationship end like that, remember that you can find someone who will honestly care about you, even with an infection such as herpes.

Find love after herpes diagonosis: True stories

Here is my thought. Herpes sucks and we all hate it but if you consider how much worse it could be it helps make you feel a bit better. I mean, at least it goes away most of the time. My little brother was diagnosed with cancer at 7 and didn’t once bat an eye. That kid just fought his hardest to live. If he can beat that shit, I know I can find someone who deserves ME!

There is love and sun after herpes 😇 I was diagnosed in September 2018, got it from dumbest man, whom I was in love and dating, who said he didn’t know, but he passed it on me… It is hard to let the thoughts go away, but that little virus changed a lot in me. I took time and went through ups and downs, and I realized this will not kill me, will not make my value less, and will not change the personality I have. I broke up with that man, and the reason was not herpes, but his selfishness, as he was such an narcissist I couldn’t go with anymore. I started all over again, I had couple of dates, I forced myself, because I completely lost any interest in dating, in man, in kissing, in sex… And even I was very skeptical, feelings took over me, I met a wonderful person, I don’t know where this will go, but I know that he accepted me as I am, he accepted my herpes, and I will protect him, because I am educated now. Even if there is still chance him to get the virus, it can’t be a reason for us to stop this beautiful story that we are going together. I truly wish everyone in this group to find balance and confidence, and believe me - there is love and happiness for everyone.