Many people who are recently diagnosed with herpes believe they contracted the virus from their most recent sexual partner. Sometimes, people with herpes have been with one partner for a long time. In a monogamous relationship, this could make them believe their partner have been cheated on.
This isn’t always the case. How do you figure out who gave you herpes? Determining who gave you herpes (Herpes Simplex Virus, HSV) can be challenging, as the virus can remain dormant in the body for a long time before causing symptoms or outbreaks. First, you need to find a way to determine how new your infection is.
It's important to note that the timing of antibody production and test results can vary from person to person. If you have a history of regular herpes testing, a new positive result can suggest a recent infection.
Herpes can live in your body for years without any noticeable signs
After initially being exposed to the herpes virus, many patients will show symptoms within two to twelve days.
But some people can have herpes for years without ever knowing it, and then randomly showing symptoms. For people with recent symptoms, they blame their current sexual partner for the infection. Recent outbreak can be brought on by stress or any other factor that lowered your immune system, which can trigger an outbreak.
Herpes can remain dormant for long periods of time (for years) once it’s in your system. This means it is in a sleep-like state, and won’t cause any symptoms. Then, one day it could randomly show itself, usually when your immune system is weakened. Old infections could take years to show any symptoms.
Up to ninety-percent of patients with a herpes infections are unaware of the infection, so they could miss their first infection. Often times, the symptoms of an old infection aren’t noticed for quite some time.
The Center for Disease Control reports an estimated eighty-seven-percent of 14-49 year olds with the HSV-2 infection in the United States are unaware that they have it.
How can i tell if a herpes infection is new?
The only way to tell if you recently contracted herpes is by getting both a herpes blood test and lab culture as soon as symptoms start showing.
If the culture reports you’re positive for HSV-2 but the blood test does not, the infection is new.
This is only accurate if it is within three weeks of the first signs of infection. If you wait for more than three weeks, the results might be a bit confusing.
Sometimes, patients transmit herpes from a past partner and don’t have symptoms until later on. Everyone has a different immune system, so some patients will never experience symptoms whereas others may have regular outbreaks.
It is very difficult to pinpoint who gave you the herpes virus
Sometimes herpes infections can show up within a few days or weeks of exposure, but other times, it might take months or years to show signs. Some patients will never know that they have herpes.
Have you ever talked to your partner about the possibility of one of you having any STD? These scenarios could relate to your diagnosis:
Let’s say you are with Partner A today, and Partner B a few months later. A few week into the relationship with Partner B, you begin to notice herpes symptoms. This makes it difficult to tell which partner gave you herpes. It is more likely that the infection came from Partner B, but it could go either way. If only herpes came with an identification label.
It is very hard to figure out who gave you herpes. This can result in anger and hurt feelings. You either trust your partner or you don’t. If you don’t trust your partner, you will have bigger problems than figuring out if they gave you herpes.
In our society, we are focused on sex. We all want risk-free sex, but that’s just not a possibility.
Informing both previous and future sexual partners is the responsible thing to do
When you’re okay with being intimate with someone’s genital, you should also be able to have an intimate conversation about your STD status.Your partner should know the risk of getting herpes.
People with herpes can infect their partners through sex during an outbreak. Condoms and antiviral medication can help reduce risk of transmission, but there is always the risk.
My partner gave me herpes - did they cheat
Often, we hear questions such as “My spouse gave me herpes. Did they cheat?” It is a very frequent question.
The best answer? It is possible, but probably not.
Remember, most people don’t know that they have the virus. Routine screening isn’t recommended and it can be transmitted even with safe sex. Your partner probably doesn’t know when they contracted herpes. After being infected, the virus can remain dormant for years. Some people will never know that they have herpes. Aside from asking your partner, there is no way to tell if they cheated.
Always keep a positive attitude about herpes
Having herpes doesn’t make you a victim, it makes you a survivor. You are still worthwhile and a wonderful person. Do not allow yourself to victimize yourself. Be glad the person who gave you herpes showed you what not to do. Remember to always let partners know of the infection.
Even with herpes, you can still have a satisfying, sexual life. You might have some uncomfortable days every now and them, but medication can help minimize any symptoms.
For more guidance on newly diagonsed with herpes, see the articles:
How did I get herpes?
How to have a fulfilling sex life with herpes
The first herpes outbreak: What it's like & how long it lasts
How to come to terms with herpes
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