How do you know when you are ready to date again?

After a herpes diagnosis, it’s only natural to want to take a break from the romance scene and just chill on your own for a while. You get tired of going out with people and making an effort. But while a temporary dry spell can be a welcome change, there will likely come a time when you’re ready to jump back into the swing of things and get some action.

Try to date when you want too

Remember you don’t need to do anything you don’t feel ready for. It can be confusing knowing when we’re ‘ready’ to start dating again. You may find that a lot of people urge you to ‘get back out there’, and, of course, there may never come a time when you feel 100% confident about things. However, there’s no obligation to make a move until you feel comfortable doing so.

Did you truly come to terms with herpes?

If you’re struggling to come to terms with your feelings, one thing you may find really useful is simply talking to someone. Friends and family – people you can trust and who you know will listen to you – can be a great help.

Being able to explain feelings and get different perspectives can be a really useful way of beginning to understand why you have these feelings. And sometimes understanding them – even if they stay painful to think about – can be the start of letting them go.

Who can you talk To? There are support groups for people with herpes if you live big cities. There are also online herpes dating sitess. Talking to people about living with herpes can be a great way to make it easier.

Take your time

It’s important to realize that moving on takes different amounts of time for different people. While some individuals are ready to date almost instantly after a diagnosis, others need years to get back into dating.

Here are three stories from other people with herpes. It takes different times for them get back into dating world.

I ve had hsv1 for almost a year now and things are rough. It took me a year. I went into a depression.

I took a long time to get used to it before I could be intimate but when I got more comfortable with myself and educated I was able to start dating.

I dated about a month after getting diagnosed. There wasn't a big difference except a different crowed.

It takes time, I withdrew for almost 2 years out of fear before really educating myself on HSV and getting some confidence back. Now I disclose with ease and date entirely too much :) Give yourself time and feel free to make mistakes along the way. You've got the cuteness thing covered!

Remember there is no rule: take as long or as little as you need. It can be confusing knowing when we’re ‘ready’ to start dating again. There may never come a time when you feel 100% confident about things. However, there’s no obligation to make a move until you feel comfortable doing so.

It's hard at 1st date

The first date after a genital herpes diagnosis may seem a little strange and hard. You may feel anxious about future. Rembmer it will get better. There are lots of dating sites for people with herpes. Finding someone else in our same situation will make you less stress and give you a soft landing. Of course, you an try regular dating sites, but you may weed out the hookups to find the good one.

Ready? How will you know? Read a real story

When I was diagnosed with genital herpes, I thought I would never have a normal life again, let alone a normal relationship. I went back and forth between hating myself and wanting to pretend that everything was OK.

I remember how I kept staring at the screen of my broken computer I had accidently dropped a few days earlier. I stared and stared at the words “damaged,” “error” and “repairs needed.” I couldn’t help but see myself the same way. In my eyes, I was broken. I was damaged beyond repair, just like my computer.

It took me weeks to truly come to terms with what had happened. I was living in a depressed state within my own mind, yet I was putting on a show with a smile on my face for everyone else who didn’t know what I was going through. My world had come temporarily crashing down, and most people had no idea.

After I made it through the initial shock and anger phase of being diagnosed with herpes, I tried to move on. My way of doing this was to attempt to convince myself I was the same person, and I could still do whatever I wanted.

I did not want to believe this small, insignificant skin disease had to alter my life in any way.

Because I thought this way, I continued my senior year of college as most women do. I went out to the bars with my friends, I met random guys and I even slept with a few of them. I always used protection, and I was very, very careful about being responsible. Despite that, by ignoring the fact I now had an STD, I was flat out irresponsible.

Before getting herpes, I was never a girl who would sleep with a guy she barely knew. I got herpes from an ex-boyfriend whom I loved and trusted not to hurt me. After getting an STD, I slept around with guys just so I could feel “normal” again.

I lost sight of who I was in an attempt to hide what I thought I had become. I used denial as a coping mechanism, and I ended up emotionally damaging myself even more in the process.

How to come to terms with herpes

I was seeking validation from guys because I couldn’t find it within myself anymore. My self-confidence and self-esteem were shattered. I saw myself as used up and damaged.

But when guys wanted me and wanted to sleep with me — even though I didn’t disclose my status to them — I felt I was still desirable and worthy of affection. I was letting guys use me and treat me like crap because inside my mind, I didn’t feel I deserved any better.

When I tried to hide what had happened from myself and live as if nothing had changed, I delayed the healing process that had to occur in order for me to move on with my life. This period of depression and self-hate went on for several months until I was able to pull myself together. I needed to recognize I didn’t need to be with guys who did not respect or value me just because I had an STD. Only when I made that realization was I able to truly forgive myself and begin to heal.

I started to see myself as way more than someone with an STD, and instead as someone who was worthy of a guy who treated her right because of her intelligence, character, kindness and beauty.

I had to change the way I saw myself before I could date again, before I was able to trust that someone else could see me for who I really was and before I would ever believe that someone would give me a chance, despite having herpes. Dating again after being diagnosed did not happen overnight. I had to overcome a lot of obstacles and make it through many days of feeling as if I would never be in a normal, healthy relationship again.

After I made the decision to accept myself, I also subconsciously gave myself permission to pull myself together and move on. I met an amazing guy at online herpes dating site, and we started dating again.