Dating with herpes: How do you get over herpes shame?

The stigmatization of herpes creates internalized shame in many people who are newly diagnosised with herpes. Many people feel ashamed and are struggling with self-love, self-respect, and self-confidence.

Is it shameful to have herpes? There are a lot of reasons why you should never feel ashamed about having herpes. Herpes is a common viral infection, and millions of people around the world have it. It's important to remember that having herpes does not define a person's worth, character, or value.

How do you get over herpes shame? Getting over herpes shame can be a challenging process, but it's important for your mental and emotional well-being. Here are some steps you can take to help you cope with and eventually overcome feelings of shame associated with herpes.

Why is there so much shame around herpes?

Why is herpes so stigmatized? The shame and stigma associated with herpes primarily stem from a combination of factors, including cultural, social, and historical influences. Here are some reasons why there is often shame around herpes:

• Lack of Education: Many people have limited knowledge about herpes and how it is transmitted. This lack of understanding can lead to misconceptions and fear, contributing to stigma.
• Misinformation: Misinformation and sensationalized portrayals of herpes in the media can perpetuate negative stereotypes and fear. Herpes is often unfairly portrayed as a "dirty" or "embarrassing" condition.
• Cultural Beliefs: In some cultures, there is a strong emphasis on purity and a negative view of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). This can lead to judgment and shame surrounding herpes and other STIs.
• Fear of Rejection: People with herpes may fear rejection from potential partners or existing partners if they disclose their status. This fear of rejection can intensify feelings of shame.
• Social Isolation: The fear of being judged or stigmatized can lead individuals with herpes to isolate themselves, which can exacerbate feelings of shame and loneliness.
• Historical Stigmatization: Historically, STIs like herpes were stigmatized and associated with moral judgments. These historical attitudes still influence how some people perceive these infections today.
• Lack of Open Discussion: The reluctance to openly discuss sexual health and STIs can contribute to the secrecy and shame surrounding herpes. This lack of conversation can make it challenging for individuals to seek support and information.
• Fear of Transmission: Concerns about transmitting herpes to others can lead to feelings of guilt and shame. People may blame themselves for any potential transmission, even if they took precautions.

It's important to recognize that these feelings of shame are often unwarranted and unhelpful. Herpes is a common viral infection, and millions of people live with it. Overcoming shame involves dispelling myths, increasing awareness, and fostering a more empathetic and supportive societal attitude toward herpes and other STIs. Open and honest conversations, education, and support networks can all play a role in reducing the stigma associated with herpes.

How do you get over herpes shame? Read the following tips, you may change your perspective in dating with herpes and self acceptance, the world will open up. Here are some steps you can take to help you cope with and eventually overcome feelings of shame associated with herpes:

1. Educate Yourself

Herpes is extremely common. Herpes is a normal, non-life threatening part of a lot of people's lives. Herpes is so stigmatized. Why are people ashamed of something that the vast amount of people will deal with at some point in their lives?

More than 20% of people in the U.S. age 14 to 49 have the virus, according to the CDC, while out of everyone who carries genital herpes it’s estimated that between 10% to 25% are aware that they have it.

2. Herpes is not included in an STD test

Because herpes is so common, many doctors and testing facilities don’t include it in a standard STD testing panel. Often, you’ll have to specifically request a herpes test to check whether you have an infection or not.

Another factor that complicates herpes testing is the fact that it’s difficult to test for herpes if you don’t have visible lesions.

Most herpes tests require a doctor to “unroof,” or scrape off, a sample from the lesion—something that isn’t possible if you don’t have visible herpes symptoms.

For all sexually transmitted infections, it’s far better to know one is affected than not to know.

3. Millions of people have herpes and don’t even know it.

The vast majority of cases either don’t break out in blisters or have such a mild initial reaction that they overlook the symptoms and never get tested. That means there are more of us who have herpes that are just floating around, don't know about it, or are hiding it.

Herpes is misunderstood, there certainly are people who go through life without even realizing they have it. Most people with herpes honestly believe that they are “clean” when in fact, they are not.

Unless you and your partner are both virgins before you have sex, and remain 100% monogamous, you are at risk for acquiring STD’s. And unless nobody ever kissed you as a child, you are very likely to already have HSV1 and may inadvertantly spread it to someone else via oral sex.

4. It does not mark the end of your sex life

One of the most damaging negative effects of herpes isn’t the flu-like initial symptoms or lesions caused by the virus itself, but the effects it can have on your self esteem and sexual confidence after learning that you’re infected.

While herpes can dampen your enthusiasm for sex, it’s important to keep things in perspective. Herpes is a virus that’s extremely easy to treat through medication, meaning there’s no need for you to fret about your future sex life.

The vast majority of people with herpes have completely normal sex lives that aren’t adversely affected by having herpes. Some HSV singles find partners which also have herpes on herpes dating sites and enjoy stress free sex life, others find partners accept the small risk.

5. Connect with Support Groups

Joining a herpes support group, either in person or online, can be invaluable. These groups offer a non-judgmental environment where you can share experiences, gain insights, and realize that you're not alone in your journey.

6. Herpes does not mean you sleep around

The misconception is that people with herpes are promiscuous, dirty people. People having herpes means they sleep around. Getting herpes does not make you a "slut," nor does it make you stupid. It makes you a person with one of the most common viruses in the population. That's it.

Since herpes can easily spread from an asymptomatic person to their sexual partner, it’s very common for people to acquire the virus despite having few sexual partners.

People don’t have to have sex to get herpes. Sometimes herpes can be passed in non-sexual ways, like if a parent with a cold sore gives other people a peck on the lips. You definitely don’t need to sleep around to be at risk of getting herpes.

Herpes is an extremely common virus that can be transmitted easily, meaning it’s definitely not something that only promiscuous people need to worry about.

7. The best way to fight stigma is to normalize it.

The problem in herpes is that the stigma is so extremely large, and the understanding is so extraordinarily low. Most people lack of knowledge and understanding about herpes virus. Lack of the ability of public health entities like the CDC to comprehensively counsel and address these issues.

The stigma toward herpes remains as bad as ever, the best way to fight stigma is to normalize it. Herpes is an infection that is acquired through sexual activity, it does not cause severe symptoms in most people.

For people who are dating with herpes, if your partner understand what the infection is, the stigma may fade away.

8. You Are Worthy Of Love

For people with herpes, It is important to know your self-worth. Herpes is a virus you you have but it should not define you. You may accept yourself regardless of how others interpreted your health status. There is power in our choices. We don't have to be victims to what happens to us.

We can choose to grow from it or we can crumble underneath the diagnosis. Herpes can be a curse that we can just upend ourselves. Herps can slingshot us into so much more emotional growth than we can even expect.

We all don't do it 100 percent correctly the first time, but by shifting perspective and knowing that we are not alone, it gives that comfort level and that confidence to really move forward.

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